Baby Fever

I've actually had baby fever for awhile now. Every time I thought I was with someone I could have another baby with, everything fell apart. It makes me wonder if I'm not meant to have another one, or if waiting for the right guy isn't the way to go. Unfortunately, I don't even know if I could conceive. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I've gotten to the point that I'm kinda like that movie "The Backup Plan" and with my luck, that's what would happen to me LOL! I'd get artificially inseminated and THEN I'd meet the man of my dreams. Yeah right, I don't even have that kinda luck. Ok, seriously, my biological time clock is ticking. I don't want to think about having kids after I'm 35, that's my cut off. So the question still remains, do I wait for Mr. Right, or say screw it and do something else about it? Or, do I just be happy that I have a wonderful, healthy child already and forget about another baby? I'm so lost on this one. Plus the fact that every time I go off my birth control pills, I don't seem to get ovulation back. The last time I tried, I broke out horribly and found out that I had cysts on my ovaries. The only answer was to go back on bcp. Maybe I need a new doctor? I dunno, just kind of ranting.

A New Day and a Rant

So crazy how your inner peace can change dramatically once you finally let go of something. I've done so much thinking the past couple of months and have finally come to peace with letting go of all the craziness that had been my life for such a long time. I'm done trying to be a part of something that I'm obviously not meant to be a part of. It's true that if someone wants to be a part of your life, they will make that effort and I've finally realized that. Now I still haven't come to peace with being completely alone so I still have my spiderman, but we understand each other and are there for each other. So we'll see how that one turns out, but I have a feeling that whichever way it goes, will be ok. :o)

Now for my rant. My baby's father. I can't understand how a parent can sit back and not do a damn thing for their child. I know there are dead beat parents out there that aren't worth a crap. But why act like you're a good father but your actions really show otherwise? My daughter has been raising money for a trip with her school and her dad can't lift a finger to help her out and I really doubt that he's going to help pay whatever we're going to owe after the fundraisers are over and done with. I spent all of Sunday evening baking cakes and cupcakes and he made a big deal about driving to our house to drop off tickets. Which leads me to the fact that he doesn't even offer to help sell raffle tickets or candies or anything! Ugh!!! And to top all that off...he always has his other daughter, but instead of calling to get my daughter he leaves it up to her to decide when she wants to go with him and call him. WTF?